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Teaching Children To Write Thank You Notes
Marni Wynne
Just like anything else in life, it is our job as parents to teach our children the proper way to show appreciation for gifts received. After all, it is simple good manners. But what exactly should parents teach children about the art of thanking others for their thoughtfulness? Here are some tips to make writing thank you notes a positive experience for children.
Discuss with children why a thank-you note is considered important.
With very young children, have a conversation with them about gift giving. For example, explain that the gift-giver spent time picking out the gift, bought it with their own money, wrapped it, and then delivered it or sent it in the mail. Point out to the child that the gift giver would have no way of knowing whether or not the gift was liked and appreciated unless a thank you note was sent in return. Don't assume that children will value the gift; we all know that little children can be painfully honest at times about their feelings with no inhibitions! Explain to children that the simple thought that the gift giver has toward them is reason plently to send a thank you note. Thank you notes reflect that a gift has been received and is appreciated.
Keep a ready available stock of thank you note cards or social stationery handy and help children with their message.
For very young children who do not yet write, a crayon picture of the child's choosing created with the gift-giver in mind can be mailed along with a note by a parent saying something like, "Cindi created this for you in appreciation of her gift of a new doll for her birthday." Parents should write for those children that can't write yet and older kids should write thank-you notes on their own.
For older kids who can write, again, have a conversation with them about the gift and their appreciation for the gift. Not all kids are eloquent enough to communicate their feelings on paper for the sheer fact of their maturity and age. While the worst thing would be for the thank you note to sound as if it were coming from you, guidance on wording will be needed. Some helpful advice would be to encourage the child to mention the gift specifically and then to write about why it is special to them.
- Example: The child received a music CD of their favorite band.
- Dear Aunt Susie,
Thank you for the music CD. It is my favorite band. I listen to it all the time....
What if the present is a 'dog' of a gift? Each and every gift should be acknowledged--even gifts that leave you and your child scratching your head. Again, explain to children that the simple thought that the gift giver has toward them is reason plently to send a thank you note. Children need to know that the gift was purchased in honor of their birthday, special occasion, or Christmas. If the gift is unusable such as an article of clothing a size too small or a game far below their age range, take the opportunity and run with it--use it as a way to give to the needy or to a charitable organization!
When a thank you note is required
You know your family... send according to family custom. You know your friends, go with the expected practice. It may not be necessary to send a thank you note to a friend or family member if the child opened the gift with the gift giver present but you know that the gift giver will be thrilled to receive a thank you note anyway! Gift exchanges such as a secret santa event do not require thank you notes nor do the small token gifts given to groups (such as"goodie bags" received at a classroom Christmas party) .
Thank You Note Sending Timeline
Don't let days turn into weeks and then the note forgotten in the midst of yours or a child's busy schedule. Plan to send thank you notes within a week's timeframe. Of course life happens, but timliness is next to tidiness in a social etiquette arena!
You are your child's best example so lead the way on thank you note writing! Children need to see you writing thank you notes and hear or read what you have written in order to grasp the importance. Good manners follow a good example so model this behavior and your children are sure to follow suit!
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